Whiperwill flies about.... 27 miles an hour.
That what you thought it woulda been? -Sure.
I'd a thought more like... 31 or something. -Hm
God damn that's a pisser
Normally I could look at anything.
Tell you exactly how fast it's goin' within 2 miles per hour... -It's fascinating.
I'm gonna...
Get the fuck outta the way cocksucker!
Mornin' mayor
Hi, how're ya'll doing?
Easy come, easy go
When Darwin said fittest...
He didn't necessarily mean the strongest
Or the most intelligence or any one trait
He merely meant those oraganism most well suited to their environments
Now, we humans
We think we're more fit
More evolved because
We're smarter, We're neophytes
We've only been on this earth 2 million years, give or take
The cockroach, that fella's been around 350 million years
So based on that which of us is the more successful species
Lots of folks build houses on unsafe ground
The erosion of Cambodia is some of the worst, my friends wanted to buy a house there but...
Hey, c'mon
Hey Grant
Later Hank
He's teaching evironmental studies, he's gonna borrow one of my lesson plans
Oh, I know what he want's to borrow
And I ain't lendin'
Come on you little varmits
That's it
See you guys later - That's it
That's one match I'll never get
Ain't no mystery... Starla's raisin' them shanties off St. Luke dirt poor
All she ever wanted was to be a lady
Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green
Gold digger, huh? - Oh hell Margeret
Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she's 17 years old
Old Grant pulls up, big old cadillac, house on a hill
And college tuition, what would you do?
- Hell, if he'd had a gina you'd a married him too - What's a "gina"?
It's a country
You know where "Ginese" people come from
Learn to easedrop better Zack, Hell! Your mother's waitin' over there
What the hell you doing here?
Scoot, Scoot!
Sugerplum! You comin' to bed?
Oh yeah
You know what baby?
I'm just not really in the mood
Come on babydoll, it's been long time we both need it
l know l'm just...
Baby come on now l don't just have some switch
Sure you do!
That's disrespectful
Come on now, l just playing with you!
Come on baby!
Why don't you just work one out for yourself there
Oh honey l'm just not in the mood, can't you tell?
When the hell are you in the mood?
Where you going?
Out... for a walk!
Grant, baby
Uh, yeah, hit me again there killer
Meagen Montgomery's little sister
You kidding me - Nope!
Brenda
My sister Meagen, she was a big fat old cow and I be thinking
What's he see in her that ain't me
Shit, come on now
You couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 - Hell, I was game
l'll give you a ride - Alright!
Come on! - Where we going?
Get over here!
What l tell you
l had a crush on you
Oh yeah look at that
Your initials "B M"
Just like a piece of shit! - Shut up!
At least I don't got the same last name as first
You ain't nothing but a little turd girl
wait! wait! wait! -Oh Grant
I can't
Starla
She gets a little worried about me
if I'm out too late
I'm sorry
l gotta to go
Starla, yeah shit! Go
What is it?
I dunno
There's a trail.
Ah, oh that's gross
Come on!
Come on, Grant - Wait!
What the fuck?
Oh God!
Grant?
Are you okay?
You okay?
Meat
Morning baby
We have'nt heard this song for a while
l was hoping it could be uh...
peace pipe
l'm sorry about last night
l don't mean to push you away
and make you feel rejected
I do want to be a good wife
You're crying
Baby, what's this?
Just a little bug bite
What are you so smiley about?
Nothing
Grant and I had a good morning and it's been a while.
You slut!
You're a married woman
It just Grant, I dunno, it's like.
It was like he was discovering all these different parts of my body, you know like...
like little boy or something.
l'm telling you this morning I sensed a real change in Grant
Meat meat meat
Howdy, Mr. Grant
Oh hey there killer - What can I do ya for?
Give me couple of your rib eyes - How many you need?
Eight
No, ten
No, no, you know what?
How... Give me 14.
Having a party?
Yeah some like that.
It's a ittle surprised for the wife.
Grant!
What's this lock doing on the door?
Baby, you drilled right into the frame, it's all busted up
Sugerplum, you really think you sould be asking so many questions when it's so close to your birthday
My birthday is not for 2 months
That's close
not really
matter of opinion
Grant, I'm jumping in the shower. Baby we need to leave in 40 minutes
Oh
What're you doing?
Nothing, l got. l got to go to work, l... left something at work
What?
Grant, Deer Cheer starts in about an hour and you promised me
Gotta go, gotta go to work!
l'll meet you there!
l will never understand what joy a
Grown man gets using a thousand dollar weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer
surprised you're able to lift a mug you been carrying that torch for so long
That remind me of something I wanted to tell you
What's that? -Fuck you fatass!
Grant!
Damn girl!
You are chocolate for the eyes!
I thought maybe you was dead after the other night
l am dead
Don't I look it?
The old half Mexican around? - At his momma's for the weekend, I'm all alone
'sides this 'un
Hmm
Hey - Hi! -Scared ya? -Hey, Bill...
What you doing? - Oh nothing just...
trying to get buzz on but l can't
I'm too buff, got too much muscle mass
Oh really?
Congratulations, by the way - thank you!
Yeah on the promotion Chief, yeah
-sounds wierd doesn't it? - No, sounds nice
So where's old Grant?
I don't know he was supposed to meet me here but...
It's kinda chilly tonight -Yeah, Sure is purdy
It's probably time for the countdown, almost - Right
Yeah, think Jack'll make a speech or something...
That'll be interesting
Thank you!
l would like to introduce Mayor Jack McCreedy
Thank you!
Cheese and crackers - Ladies and gentleman
Right after God invented this world of ours
He came unto Adam
and He said that man sould have dominion
over the fish in the sea
and over the birds in the air
And over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth
Now, I believe...
when God say that!
He was thinking of deer season and Wheelsy how much damn fun it is to shoot a buck or two
Are you ready? - Yeah!!!
Ten
Nine!
Eight!
Seven!
Six!
Five!
Four!
Three!
Two!
Oh God, Grant!
Let's the hunt begin!!!
Grant? What is...
Grant you know about this fuse?
Grant why didn't you answer your phone?
Grant?
Oh my God, Baby what happen to your face?
lt just a bee sting
l'll be alright
I had a little reaction, that's all
We gotta get you to the hospital - No, no no
I already saw doctor Carl... gave me prescription. Said-
"it should clear up soon"
He said "things like this happen...
happens to people all the time"
Come one baby, don't...
don't look at me like that
Yes, hi Dr. Carl
This is Starla Grant
Oh Starla, How are you?
l'm fine, thank you, l was calling about...
about Grants condition, l think it maybe getting worse
What condition is that, dear?
The one you just saw him about
Starla, I haven't seen your husband in
over a year
Oh what's the matter!
Come on now, don't cry
now look here, you're doing a good job!
l'm so hungry, l think I'm gonna die!
No, here l'm got something here
help ya feel better
Brought you munchies
Come on now, treat yourself!
Hey Starla - Hey!
Bill, Wally - Hi!
Grant around by any chance? - Oh no, he's not home from work yet
Mr. Grant! - He's not home yet Wally, I just said
What's going on?
Do you know Brenda Gutierrez
Maybe she called the house... - No
Girl disappeared Friday night
Signs of struggle in the house
Here in town
Yeah the thing is...
people saw Grant goin into her house
And that's the last thing they seen of her
It must have been someone that looks like Grant
Yeah, maybe
have him give me a call as soon as he gets in
Alright - Thanks
Good night - Good night!
No no no
Bill, it's Starla, you were just here
and you need to get back here right now!
Grant is sick or something...
Why you running from me baby?
I wasn't gonna hurt you!
I love you baby I tried not to change
I get it, I'm too ugly for you now, is that it?
You don't want to hurt me
You betrayed me I cant trust you no more
Here I got a little surprise for you huh sugerplum
Starla!
Starla you in here?
Starla, you alright?
Whoa, stop!
What the fuck was that?
Bunch of fucking morons I don't know how any of em got elected
they blame me for it like I...
Bill, Bill we need to talk
Shit!
Morning Jack
we need to find this Grant, I mean yesterday
town council's lit a roman candle stuck it up my ass
Jack your leisure activities ain't my business - Hey don't you fuck with me Bill
your post here as chief is in dire straits
nobody wants to go huntin in a town with a pet murderer and kidnapper
We'll find him Jack
ain't many places he can hide looks like a damn squid
Sea world maybe
She heard you say squid she gonna go out and create a goddamn hysteria
Shelby you gonna create a hysteria? - Not today Bill!
What's this?
I thought we could use it like a police sketch, chief
You know, take it door to door see if anybody recognizes him
Ya'll show some respect, right now
And you! You don't know what was in there you said it was dark, you don't know what the hell you saw
His arm was all bendy mayor -well it's obvious the bastards got...
Lime disease! - What? - lime disease
you touch some deer feces and then ya
eat a sandwich without washing your hands
you got your lime disease
and makes you look like a squid
Oh well fuck you all for laughing
Chief, another attack over at the Catovettes
What?
Grants been stealing animals off farms edge of town
Alright folks lets go dont forget your guns
we don't any lime disease popping out at us
Oh ho ho, ha ha fucking ha
I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calenders on his desk
just dont strike me as a real dog lover is all
Hey! Look
Knocked this one's head clear on over here
put that down numbnuts
he drug the cow through here
How can one man do that?
Slay all them dogs by himself?
Well, he's gotta be in the forest
all 3 ranches run along side it -I think we should get up a posse
And head in there
lt's hundred thousand acres, be like finding a needle in a fuckstack
Gather some folks together
think I know where dr doolittle's gonna strike next
right after grant ran off a cat went missing from here
Ranglin's ranch!
Two nights ago a mare was stolen
from this property owned by Fitzgibbon that rancher with the cleft pallet
l know that guy, he looks like a chipmunk
your momma weren't too proud when you came out neither Wally
And then we got the Castovettes right here
that's where last nights shitstorm took place
and if he keeps that pattern next he's gonna end up here
Owned by a family called the Stripmeyers
l know you're all tired and barely seen your families
but we're gonna have to go there tonight lie low
And wait
well let's go get that son of a bitch chief
-yeah -yeah
alright boys
here's my little darlin
there she is
hey bill we got his grenade we confiscated from them jokers wanting to use it to fish for trout
no, we should be alright with all we got
not another ruskies we're invading
You seen this guy, you'd a wish they was
Just give me one second
Bill, l heard you going to get Grant.
yeah we uh - l think l should go with you
well go? honey, no
Bill you need to let me help -look i aint that wells on police procedure
but im sure theres a heap of regulations against taking a civilian on a stakeout
I should have seen it coming this is my fault
it aint your fault he tried to kill you
he had all those physical symptons he was acting peculiar
Starla, thank you -I was just trying ot pretend it wasn't happening
Starla I apperciate the offer but I can't!
If that girl's still out there How you gonna find her?
How? Unless you bring Grant back alive
Your best...
your only chance of doing that is with me
she's got a point
You all done honey? -Oh, thank you
Hey come on now!
Colly what did you do to your fingers?
Terry Chy done 'em she's Japanese
yeah? looks more like that Pokeman done em to me
foreign stuff is classy if you knew you knew something
oh there's Jack
l want all of you stay inside tonight, you hear!
Hey Otis!!!
this turns out to be a mountain lion we're gonna look like a bunch of damn idiots
this would be a good night to chase some pussy wouldn't it?
how about that deputy Margeret
you got a little deputy thing
going on with you two?
Margeret packs a box lunch
No shit?
Hey Starla
you remember that time we were kids
you came knockin at my window in the middle of the night
so Starla here's 12
I guess i was 14
i said Starla "what the hell you doing out there"
she says She's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star
and she knew i was in the ROTC so she says she needs a bodyguard
and invites me to come along
and i said "starla...
lf theres anyone could can take herself
i'd think it's you
i'm gonna have to decline
how far'd you get
bout the bus stop
cuz ranger rick here called my dad.
damn, a cop from the get go
you sonuvabitch
fucked up our fame and fortune there bill pardy
Yeah
Yeah i guess maybe i did
You said "squid"
it got worse
it looks like somethingn that fell off my dick during the war
hey hey
Grant?
Ho-ly
Shit!
what are we gonna do now Bill?
cuffs wont even fit on him
Starla where you...?
Grant!
lt's okay Grant
You're just sick is all
you're just sick
We're just here...
to take you to get some help
Right now!
and i'm gonna stay by you
Just like l swore l would!
for better or worse
much fucking worse
Grant!
marriage is a scared bond
right baby?
lt's gonna be alright, Grant
Just come with us
stop right there you son of a bitch
now i don't care what kind of leprosy you got
we need to find that girl
now you can make this peaceful
Or you can make it hard!
slowly on my tail, do not lose him in the woods
come on out you cocksucker
what are you? some little pussy you afraid?
Pyschology!
Over there!
where'd he go?
now we aint never gonna find that girl
Starla get the hell out of here!
What's that smell? - Something dead
it's coming form in there aint it? I think he's inside
Oh!
Something wrong with me
Uh...Yeah
Oh Jesus!!! God!
Brenda.
well i didn't want no one seeing me like this
how's my boy Bill? is he alright?
your boys fine Brenda
so...
What's going on here, exactly?
l'm so fucking hungry, Bill
l'm so hungry, l never knew anyone could be so hungry.
would you mind... handin me... a piece
of that possum over there?
just a little bit
l think we best get you to a hospital right quick
What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital Bill?
Shut up
Jesus
Why is she doing that?
a tortoise is movin'
Relax!
somebody get her to stop doing that shit
it hurts bitch
the little fuckers are tearin me apart
the bastard led us here
Margeret cover your mouth don't let them in your mouth
they tried to get into my mouth
what kind of thing wants you to eat it?
Kelly honey you're gonna turn into a plum in there - Prune mama.
plums turn into prunes
i know what turns into what
so wont you finish and get yourself into bed, you hear?
Time to turn in ladies
just a couple more pages, Mom
No!
Besides you know what day tomorrow is - Family fun day - That is correct!
So good night!
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bug bites.
Good night, Mom! -Goodnight
Shelby come in
11-41, I need paramedics out here right away I got 4 men down
Shelby are you there
Shelby we got an emergency here, This is Bill
Oh crud
Shelby.
This is no time for a break Shelby I mean it
Shelby -They alive?
Praise Jesus!
Praise Jesus?!
That's fucking pushing it!
this shits about as far form god as shit can get!
either of you ever seen anything like that?
you ever heard of anything like that?
Huh?
me neither
and I watch animal planet all the fucking time!
I got no reception out here
I gonna run back to the car and try to call the paramedics from there
that's a long way with those worms out there
yeah well nice change of pace from human deer
Alright you three get this folks out of the barn all the rotten stench can't be doing em any good
you take this
i got my colt
Be careful - Yeah, theres a thought
You know what this is.
lt's god damn biological weapons
That's what it is.
Govenment's testing em on Wheelsy You know why?
Cause I don't take no shit form nobody at those state hearings
they want to bukkake Jack McCreedy
they can kiss my ass!
if this shit contagious and i turn into fucking mollusk
l'm gonna sew those bastards i swear to god
and you can sew right along side of me i don't care if you're a lesbo
you don't deserve this shit
It's like..oh man... smells like rotten mayonaise
Hi sugerplum!
Marriage, it's a scared bond
just like you said
What?
I'm sorry for trying to strangle you and all
I lost my ...head
i didn't mean to do none of them things i done
Not...
Kill them ...pets!
Not make Brenda...
a womb
But it was my n- nature aint it?
how can you blame someone for acting ac-
-cording to his own nature
l wanted to tell you what was going on, but...
l was afraid you wouldn't love me no more
l never knew love Strala
Wally, you alright?
maybe you'd better sit back down! you don't look so good
Hey!
Kylie honey you ok?
hi kylie it's me
open the door jellybean come on kylie
open the door
we love you sweetheart come on out now open the door
get away
y'all get away
kylie there no excuse not to be with your family this is family funday isn't it kylie
Y'all better just sit back down
you need to get some rest
You're sick!
meat!
Let her go!
Y'all just take step back now, alright?
There you go, sugerplum
Why you accusing the kents 'fore you...
-here both sides of the story -hear both sides of the story
Why you talking like Grant?
'cause I am Grant
-l'm your husband! -I'm your husband!
you swore to honor and obey me
So put that goddamn gun down!
Stay away from her!
it burns! what the...
Get away from her, -meat
Get away from her l am gonna shoot you l swear to the God!
You aint gonna shoot me starla, l told you..
You always needed me to protect you!
You for damn sure I ain't got the balls to..
Christ on a cross
uncle grants gonna show you a good time girl
open this door you little whore
dont mess with me you little slut
kylie this is your last chance
little bitch! - Hey!
What's going on?
the hell you doing?
Hey hey easy easy!
What the hell happen to you Otis?
poinson ivy out back maybe
We're itchy
no they're not my parents they're trying to trick you
The worms are in their brains
Alright look! Y'all stay right there on the spot
i'm gonna call the paramedics come help you
And kylie's gonna come with me
hey there killer!
Starla's my woman you bitch
what's with the spitting?
margeret come in margeret are you there?
chief go go there gonna get in
my friends are still out there... Trevor?
what the heck is going on?
bitch is hardcore
Get in the car!!!
Go!!!
Starla! Starla!
So.. how's everybody's evening?
good?... Good
thanks
Shelby
Shelby you there?
hey chief how ya doing?
Did you found that...
There's a 'squiter in here driving me bonkers
Shelby you seen any of these...
l don't know what to call them... like big slugs, only they're fast
No slug!
But your mama call she said
the toilet's all backed up again wants you come over soon as you're finished there.
Alright, sweet heart listen I need you to listen to me just a second okay
She said it's what you done in there on sunday what caused the back up.
Alright listen l need to get the CDC on the horn for me ok
Shelby are you nodding?
Uh yeah sorry, I'll get you right back.
theres a big tree in front yard and
the roots got into pipes and messes with the whole system on the way to the main
she uses lots of paper
Where is the Mr. Pib?
l told your secretary to pack Mr. Pib it's the only coke I like
Goddamn Brenda's bloatin like a water baloon?
worms driving my firends around like they goddamn skingaurd people
are spitting acid at me turn ya into cottage cheese
and now there no fucking goddamn mr. pib
jesus christ jack let me get right on it
it was me I became it
him, part of him
who?
Mrs. Grant's toasting.
but he wasn't always him
he came from...
he a goddamn martian
martians is from mars jack
or it's a general term meaning outer space fucker
no it isn't -look it up cocksucker
enough
Kylie!
honey, what do you mean?
his real face looks like a needle
the way he always got antoher
he goes form place to place worlds, planets
killing them some he gets pregnant
others he just takes over with his forms
and the rest he eats till they're gone
Now he's here
l've seen this worms
these worms in thier brains now you saying they're all connected?
it's like they're all one deal
an animal that doesn't procreate
it spreads grows
absorbing the minds and bodies of the organisms around it
lt's a conscious disease
if i weren't about to shit my pants i'd be fucking fascinated
we're back everythings gonna be okay.
Shelby did you get the CDC for me we're at the city limits
Welcome back...killer
got a little surprise for the lot of you
just right around the corner
starla starla
Starla! Let her go! Jesus!
-Meat
Chief? Come on, come here
Stay here Jack wake up
wake up -hurry
stay here
worms beat us here
alright, there's a grenade in that station
now, if I use that to destroy Grant he's the center of the whole system, right?
does that mean the whole thing will be destroyed?
Maybe - Maybe?
Okay!
You wait here, alright, stay hid I'll be back
This is Chief Pardy
l can't!
Fuck me
Hey...motherfucker!
We got to go!
Once one sees us they all see us
Take this, here!
Sweetie don't look, don't look
What are we gonna do now?
Probabaly turn into a couple of these fucked up things
that's kind of negative
well it's been that sorta day
Thank you for saving my ass back there
Your welcome
Course when I tell that story it's gonna be the other way around
What do you mean? - Like l saved to you.
Yeah if we live -right
now, they're dragging these bodies due north do you think that'll lead us to Mrs. Grant?
You like her don't you?
Come on!
Who's there?
Bill?
Starla?
Hello?
Do you look at me like that
Don't you just see?
got no idea what it's like to be this hungry
i just ate a pig and I still want more
Damn republicans gotta run all you republicans outta town
Your said "for better or worse" you lied
bitch, slut, whore
there's the worms...
that's where they're bringing the bodies
probably new breeders feed them inside
oh my god, that's Grant
that's where they're joining together
well now, that is some fucked up shit
There's Starla
you stay here
no, l ain't staying here by myself
Alright, come on!
You tried to kill me and run off with Pardy
you just want to fuck him now cause he's so good looking
I'll keep growing till I'm everywhere till I'm all that is
then you'll know what it feels like to be betrayed won't you sugerplum?
i'm sorry
I just thought you were trying to kill me
and you can't expect me not to go through...
...some adjustments
after all these changes
You done a real nice job decorating baby
you like these memories?
yeah I know you don't want to hurt me Grant
you like being called Grant don't you?
i can do that i can call you that
cause you're lonely right?
you been alone so long I can't even imagine, i bet
you don't have to be alone anymore
cause you and I we could be together
I never had much use for this world anyway
i can stay with you while you do what you need to do
cause it's you nature
and i see that now
i'm here for you
Kill me Pardy
Please!
...i'v been around a billion years you think you can fuck with me?
yep
Shit!
Shoot him!!!
Bill
Bill...
Bill!
That really hurt.
Are you alright?
We need both of them things in you to get all womby
oh that's Awesome!
bet you regret not running off with me to hollywood now 'ey bill?
hell Starla
I've always regretted that
bet ya phil's just a few miles down the 10
got that hospital there with the big green steeple thingy up top
hey Kylie why don't you
tell Mrs. Grant that story about how I saved you from that deer
Oh yeah, Bill saved me from a deer
Oh yeah?